Everyone seem to have a checklist in their head which they sort& tick as they go.
Something close to what i will call pay as you go.
We spend our whole life looking for the perfect job after college or in between after which we go after or rather chase after skirts or trousers depending on the gender.
And when we finally get "The One". What next?
For some it will be building their career whilst for others it's the quest for a jnr "Them".
Now that you are married. What do you think should be the next thing on your agenda?
Is your partner just a wall paper that you dont need to acknowledge or talk to?
Do you find it easy to pour out your heart to others instead of your spouse or partner?
Why is that so?
Do you buy into the hype of seeing counselors?(nothing bad in that)
Do you know that those books you're reading on relationship and how to be better were written by everyday people like you ....yes?
I dare you to talk more to your partner and even take it a step further by writing about your relationship.
Dont tell me that you're too shy to do that.
Okay start with a journal.
Did i just hear someone say life's too busy for all the smooches now...hmm, but it wasnt when you went all out to conquer, was it?
You just have to make out time and treat each other with respect. Create your own "Me Times". Talk more to your partner more than ever, dont wait till they tell you something before you talk.
I dont mind being a confidant to most of my male friends as they are many, as a matter of fact i took my sweet time to count and realized i have more male friends than female this days.....hmmm. But i will prefer they talk more to their partners about certain things than me.(or maybe the invisible factor is at play)
We seem to have mostly this days gotten to the stage were it's cool to confide in someone else other than our spouse or partner.
The main person that is meant to be the center of our universe is relegated to the background.
We leave him or her wandering and wondering most of the time. This has got to change.
I did rock the boat with a friend of recent. I told him after our usual convo to please share what he's just told me with his partner.
He thought i was off my rockers. I threatened not to listen to him again till he does as i advised (oh how i stood my ground).
Need i say that he obliged me and am so proud of the outcome and how things rolled on smoothly.
Take a look at this couple in the video below....they dont have two heads.
They have each other and are warm blooded enough to speak about their journey.
Take a closer look at them.
Take a closer look at your partner and tell me if you dont deserve him or her.
They deserve to know what's on your mind.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VwSyFR2Q1U
If the desire for your partner is only physical then you're in serious trouble as that which attracted you to him or her can fade away anytime.
You need a deeper attraction than what you currently have.
Stop trying to distract yourself with strangers or put a wedge between yourself and your partner.
I dare you to do something. Yes something unexpected. Something different but not too alarming(not scandalous or scary)
NB: This is adapted for this blog from my original post dd July 2012.
Sunday, 9 March 2014
She took the bull by the horn
From my original blog, sub titled Taking charge series:
We must have at one time or the other heard about how some women took charge when things got out of wack.
Some women have been known to be firm and some just allow things to ride with the hope that a negative situation will correct itself without lifting a finger.
The story am about to relate here still makes me go....'she's one lucky Lady'.
A high society woman in Nigeria Africa on learning that her husband that she married when he didnt have much. A man that she stood by and helped build wealth is dating a younger lady who i will call 'Ms Smarty Pants'.
Mama Pj was a business woman who helped build an empire with her husband.
She helped build their first house.
Every profit she made from her texile import business went to buying cement, sand, etc etc to build all the houses they owned.
She didnt make it past secondary school(grade 10), all thanks to Baba Pj who got her pregnant. He was a young graduate then.
Mama Pj didnt rest after her first child, she took night classes and later passed her Pitman's exam.
She owned several textile stores and was also a big UAC distributor(distributor of a multi-national company).
She trusted her husband enough to give him money to buy shares in their names.
She ploughed money into his businesses too.
He bought those shares and some more.
Infidelity is one dirty word that some people have become comfortable with.
Mama Pj didnt wring her hands(neither did she start crying or say am finish/done) when she heard that her husband who was then in his early 50s got the itch, has started dating a Ms Smarty pant.
She didnt bother to ask her husband nor chastise him.
She got a close friend of hers to act as a sleuth....they found out more about the girl and where she worked then, where she lived....they studied her for close to 3months.
When they finally decided they have enough information, laid out a plan.( She was so lucky that her plan worked)....if she had tried it now, i doubt if it would have been very effective as some babes are not that easy
Ms Smarty Pants did not just get the man to eat out of her hands, she got him to transfer some of the shares he bought for his family to her.
He had even started building a house for her to boot...he bought her a car and was paying her rent in a high brow area of Victoria-Island in Nigeria, Africa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRw3z3K_n3E
Hope you enjoyed Marion's video?
Mama Pj confronted the lady and succeeded in collecting all the shares back, collected the documents to the house her husband was building and left the lady with a warning.
I learnt the meeting didnt last more than 1hr....
Hmm....needless to say that as a sampler, Ms Smarty Pants lost her job, she got an eviction notice from her landlord,she had to leave town with her tail between her legs.
Sorry i cant go into full details of how mama PJ achieved that.
Is there someone threatening your peace in your marriage?
Is your husband or partner going through midlife crisis and acting up?
Do you trust your spouse with all your investments?
So you hand over your pay and profits to your partner?
There's nothing wrong in doing all that, but be wise as.....Sh1t happens...when it does, what will you do?
Shoot your way through?
Abandon ship and like a friend said leave your home and children to a stranger?
NB:This is an excerpt from my original post in June 2013, adapted for use in this blog.
We must have at one time or the other heard about how some women took charge when things got out of wack.
Some women have been known to be firm and some just allow things to ride with the hope that a negative situation will correct itself without lifting a finger.
The story am about to relate here still makes me go....'she's one lucky Lady'.
A high society woman in Nigeria Africa on learning that her husband that she married when he didnt have much. A man that she stood by and helped build wealth is dating a younger lady who i will call 'Ms Smarty Pants'.
Mama Pj was a business woman who helped build an empire with her husband.
She helped build their first house.
Every profit she made from her texile import business went to buying cement, sand, etc etc to build all the houses they owned.
She didnt make it past secondary school(grade 10), all thanks to Baba Pj who got her pregnant. He was a young graduate then.
Mama Pj didnt rest after her first child, she took night classes and later passed her Pitman's exam.
She owned several textile stores and was also a big UAC distributor(distributor of a multi-national company).
She trusted her husband enough to give him money to buy shares in their names.
She ploughed money into his businesses too.
He bought those shares and some more.
Infidelity is one dirty word that some people have become comfortable with.
Mama Pj didnt wring her hands(neither did she start crying or say am finish/done) when she heard that her husband who was then in his early 50s got the itch, has started dating a Ms Smarty pant.
She didnt bother to ask her husband nor chastise him.
She got a close friend of hers to act as a sleuth....they found out more about the girl and where she worked then, where she lived....they studied her for close to 3months.
When they finally decided they have enough information, laid out a plan.( She was so lucky that her plan worked)....if she had tried it now, i doubt if it would have been very effective as some babes are not that easy
Ms Smarty Pants did not just get the man to eat out of her hands, she got him to transfer some of the shares he bought for his family to her.
He had even started building a house for her to boot...he bought her a car and was paying her rent in a high brow area of Victoria-Island in Nigeria, Africa.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRw3z3K_n3E
Hope you enjoyed Marion's video?
Mama Pj confronted the lady and succeeded in collecting all the shares back, collected the documents to the house her husband was building and left the lady with a warning.
I learnt the meeting didnt last more than 1hr....
Hmm....needless to say that as a sampler, Ms Smarty Pants lost her job, she got an eviction notice from her landlord,she had to leave town with her tail between her legs.
Sorry i cant go into full details of how mama PJ achieved that.
Is there someone threatening your peace in your marriage?
Is your husband or partner going through midlife crisis and acting up?
Do you trust your spouse with all your investments?
So you hand over your pay and profits to your partner?
There's nothing wrong in doing all that, but be wise as.....Sh1t happens...when it does, what will you do?
Shoot your way through?
Abandon ship and like a friend said leave your home and children to a stranger?
NB:This is an excerpt from my original post in June 2013, adapted for use in this blog.
The Fine Prints...Crossing The "Ts" and Dotting The "Is"
We all at one time or the other go shopping for something for ourself or others and end up with a receipt/s which we mostly just put in our pocket, purse or for some just dump in our glove compartment never to be looked at again.
Have you ever taken a second look at those receipts?
Do you take time to read the fine prints, or some might say it's just too tiny so no need so long as the amount paid is what is agreed?
It's amazing how people append their signatures on very important documents without bothering to read through the finer prints.
Also take a look at those instances where someone appoints you their attorney, have ever bothered to find out what your responsibilities are(POA)?
Do you just append your signature without getting independent legal advice when it comes to co-signing or taking on certain responsibilities?
Please always read every agreement and ask questions.
Seek Independent advice, and if you chose to co-sign on a credit product, be sure the main applicant is capable of paying or you will be held responsible when they default...always seek independent legal advice.
Another often overlooked aspect is the insurance on credit products.
Those insurance in most instance are meant to protect that aspect of borrowing.
You are often given disclosures and updates.
Most people just toss them in the bin without reading the updates sent to them in the mail.
I've heard instance of people complaining that the insurance companies dont pay, wont pay.
It's a lie from the pit of hell.
Did you cross your Ts and dot your Is?
Did you make your claim in a timely and correct fashion?
It's just like someone who has L&D, life and disability insurance on a mortgage who fell ill and has been off work for more than two months and didnt remember to make a claim on the disability aspect for months.
There's the normal 60days wait period before the insurance starts paying in some instance, but how will they help you when you didnt tell them you've been sick and unable to work? Are they clairvoyant?
You are meant to get in touch with your provider immediately something happens to you or your partner if joint and they will let you know what is required to make a claim.
Think smart, keep records and let the people close to you know where important documents are kept/located.
Do you have a mortgage? Dig out every document that has to do with the Mortgage agreement and cost of borrowing, including your deed and same with your fire insurance and every single bit.
Do you own a SAFE? It is time to sort through all those old documents in it.
Do you have a Will? When was the last time it was updated?
Do you have some investments?
When was the last time you met with your Advisor or Planner to update your Successor/beneficiary information and review your time horizon?
Do you always tell them you are too busy and will get your Assistant or Secretary to book an appointment for you?
There are some partners who dont have any idea of what the other party is doing with the household finances and projects till they pass on or seperated as a result of a divorce and they are then left to sort through stacks of documents.
Estate Planning can be tortous if no real plan is in place, it can also be easy breezy if some effort has been put in. Same with seperation and divorce.
What to do, get yourself a kit, some of those kits contain a checklist of what you own versus what you owe.
It guides you through taking real stock of what you have that are moveable and immoveable and locations.
Dont tarry, dont wait till it's too late, put the affairs of your life in order.
Always read the fine prints.
NB:Disclaimer, most of what is written in this blog is based on real life experiences and does not constitute or replace real advice from your Planner.
Have you ever taken a second look at those receipts?
Do you take time to read the fine prints, or some might say it's just too tiny so no need so long as the amount paid is what is agreed?
It's amazing how people append their signatures on very important documents without bothering to read through the finer prints.
Also take a look at those instances where someone appoints you their attorney, have ever bothered to find out what your responsibilities are(POA)?
Do you just append your signature without getting independent legal advice when it comes to co-signing or taking on certain responsibilities?
Please always read every agreement and ask questions.
Seek Independent advice, and if you chose to co-sign on a credit product, be sure the main applicant is capable of paying or you will be held responsible when they default...always seek independent legal advice.
Another often overlooked aspect is the insurance on credit products.
Those insurance in most instance are meant to protect that aspect of borrowing.
You are often given disclosures and updates.
Most people just toss them in the bin without reading the updates sent to them in the mail.
I've heard instance of people complaining that the insurance companies dont pay, wont pay.
It's a lie from the pit of hell.
Did you cross your Ts and dot your Is?
Did you make your claim in a timely and correct fashion?
It's just like someone who has L&D, life and disability insurance on a mortgage who fell ill and has been off work for more than two months and didnt remember to make a claim on the disability aspect for months.
There's the normal 60days wait period before the insurance starts paying in some instance, but how will they help you when you didnt tell them you've been sick and unable to work? Are they clairvoyant?
You are meant to get in touch with your provider immediately something happens to you or your partner if joint and they will let you know what is required to make a claim.
Think smart, keep records and let the people close to you know where important documents are kept/located.
Do you have a mortgage? Dig out every document that has to do with the Mortgage agreement and cost of borrowing, including your deed and same with your fire insurance and every single bit.
Do you own a SAFE? It is time to sort through all those old documents in it.
Do you have a Will? When was the last time it was updated?
Do you have some investments?
When was the last time you met with your Advisor or Planner to update your Successor/beneficiary information and review your time horizon?
Do you always tell them you are too busy and will get your Assistant or Secretary to book an appointment for you?
There are some partners who dont have any idea of what the other party is doing with the household finances and projects till they pass on or seperated as a result of a divorce and they are then left to sort through stacks of documents.
Estate Planning can be tortous if no real plan is in place, it can also be easy breezy if some effort has been put in. Same with seperation and divorce.
What to do, get yourself a kit, some of those kits contain a checklist of what you own versus what you owe.
It guides you through taking real stock of what you have that are moveable and immoveable and locations.
Dont tarry, dont wait till it's too late, put the affairs of your life in order.
Always read the fine prints.
NB:Disclaimer, most of what is written in this blog is based on real life experiences and does not constitute or replace real advice from your Planner.
When Thoughts Dont Align
A Reverend gentleman once shared his story a while back.
When God said dont be unequally yoke we say in our heart and also feel he does not know what he's talking about.
2Corinthians 6:14...
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
When we are enjoined to seek God's face for a life partner we dont listen and do things our way and then go to God after the fact...smart hey?
Or midway in a relationship or marriage you give your life to Christ and of course you cant do away with your partner but pray that they come to the knowledge of God and align with you.
You cant force any man but you can pray and believe God to do what only he can.....
Working in God's vineyard is not just another job. It's much more as you are responsible for other people and the growing of God's kingdom, and this is sacred.
The Reverend gentleman who shared his story a while back experienced hell on earth as his wife who is meant to lead the women in Church hardly go with him to the church or take part in programs.
Her heart didnt align with God's calling for his life.
She shows up whenever she wants and he tried his best(according to him) to make her happy.
She showed so much contempt for his Ministry and office.
She wasnt unfaithful but just didnt care for him, living like a stranger.....
The relationship collapsed and when he got an opportunity to improve himself, left for another country.
She later realized her mistake and started asking after him from his siblings, but he has of course moved on, running with God's vision and fulfilling God's plan for his life.
It was too late to take her back. He didnt remarry but wiser and smarter in his choices.
When God said dont be unequally yoke we say in our heart and also feel he does not know what he's talking about.
2Corinthians 6:14...
14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers, for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness?
When we are enjoined to seek God's face for a life partner we dont listen and do things our way and then go to God after the fact...smart hey?
Or midway in a relationship or marriage you give your life to Christ and of course you cant do away with your partner but pray that they come to the knowledge of God and align with you.
You cant force any man but you can pray and believe God to do what only he can.....
Working in God's vineyard is not just another job. It's much more as you are responsible for other people and the growing of God's kingdom, and this is sacred.
The Reverend gentleman who shared his story a while back experienced hell on earth as his wife who is meant to lead the women in Church hardly go with him to the church or take part in programs.
Her heart didnt align with God's calling for his life.
She shows up whenever she wants and he tried his best(according to him) to make her happy.
She showed so much contempt for his Ministry and office.
She wasnt unfaithful but just didnt care for him, living like a stranger.....
The relationship collapsed and when he got an opportunity to improve himself, left for another country.
She later realized her mistake and started asking after him from his siblings, but he has of course moved on, running with God's vision and fulfilling God's plan for his life.
It was too late to take her back. He didnt remarry but wiser and smarter in his choices.
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